Its true, I was never the most sensitive person. Most of the time I think people should just suck it up and deal with it. Including myself... I find it hard to believe that other people genuinely care about me. I don't know where I got this idea in my head that I don't deserve anything better than mediocre. Its a hard stone to break. I have some people that I look up to that tell me how great I am and how great of a life I deserve. I'd like to believe it, but in my situation, some days it is hard.
Heavenly Father gave me such a beautiful blessing, Hadley, for whom I am eternally grateful. She has taught me so many things, I cannot even count.
She has taught me to have compassion for others. That even the most wretched of people can have a silver lining. That everyone has their own struggles. How can someone teach me that when she can't even talk?
I've learned the joy of being a parent. The instant, unconditional love at first sight. Nothing can take that away or lessen it in the least. Not even the long nights with no sleep. Not the occasional frustration of not knowing quite how to fix something. And certainly not the amount of self-time parenthood takes away. To be honest, I don't know that I miss that time at all. I know this is part of my purpose in life and I love every minute of it.
Somehow you truly learn to feel joy in her happiness and hurt in her hurt. Its magical, and at times, excruciating.
I've been one of the lucky ones who doesn't have the baby that cries all the time. I've been told I have it easy. Maybe that is true, but I remember that we all have our trials. Though, for the first time (twice in the past few days) I have inevitably had to feel her pain.
Now that Hadley is 2 months old, I thought I should start sleeping her in her own bed so I don't turn out to be one of those parents that has their child sleeping with them still at the age of 6. I was really hard the first night. I missed her like crazy. That sounds ridiculous because she was only in the other room. She, however, did really well. She only woke up once, to which, I jumped out of bed and ran into her room before I was even fully awake and aware of what I was doing.
The next night I tried again, but she had an awful tummy ache and I couldn't do anything to help her. So I just held her and cried with her.
Another thing they do at two months is those stinkin' immunizations. Hadley was being so cute while we waited. Then they stuck her twice in each leg. POOR thing!!! It broke my heart. I cried again. I don't like her hurting and she NEVER cries like that. I babied her, which is totally called for being that she IS a baby. Again, she slept with me. I did everything I could to make her comfortable. Luckily she is feeling better now.
